half dead

been living like this for half year..i still miss......twitter, a place that I can stalk.. says Cant wait for hols, gonna teach someone manual driving again xD ... so happy? you know what..long time ago, when you've just got your license, i thought you're the one who's going to teach me..sadly I spent my first lesson with a few other friends, I told you..that this is not what i want it to be. You gave no response...i wonder whhy..now i know, you have someone else to teach.. my heart doesnt feel well now.

ah

today during MdmLYH's math lesson, I said why you like that say me cause she said I copy answers also slow. Then lcp said she hurt me and she cannot hurt me cause he would hit her. Last year I heard things like that from people too, I was happy to know that everybody knows you would stick up for me. But now, I feel....when I heard that, I kept quiet, watdatlou say my lips will turn white. Did I? I could have....I really wish you would stand up for me..argh. he doesnt know you've changed....

tiring..physically and emotionally

now playing: AlexGoot - Apologize
I need you like a heart needs a beat

first day of sports..killing me already..first time ever getting involved in running chores for teachers..all these running up and down make my leg tired and it hurts a bit. funny how I dont even know how to jump over the rail..I'd still rather to go the other way round though it'll take a longer time. first attempt, nearly hurt my... second attempt, knocked my back... third attempt, nearly sprained my thigh. Am I old or am I born not to do this kind of action. Such an easy action, still can't do...I'm useless.

3000m tomorrow, hopefully can finish it. 30minutes only, you'll only feel humiliated for that 30minutes, dont be afraid, 30 minutes is just a short period of time

read your tweets..it's funny how the best conversations come before we sleep xD ? that's not me right..I dont remember any hahas from you last night.. why.. from what I've seen so far in these 3 months, I have a bad feeling that you're going deeper and deeper into it, I don't know how to pull you back. I'm tired but I still wanna try. maybe I don't have any thing better to do? and I like to get myself into trouble? tweet, tweet more about her so I can know and I can feel sad again..I love this feeling.. lies lies lies.. THIS IS SO DEPRESSING !!!!!

how did you change? Did I push you to it......

NumbNumbNumb

now playing: Breakeven..
cause when a heart breaks,no it dont breakeven, even..no

I said I'm numb but I still have feelings :( I think I'm sick, I'm having a mental breakdown again..I wish I could shut down my mind for a week..to spare myself from one week's heartache
I shouldnt be studying but I didnt..the least I could do that benefit myself is go to sleep earlier, but still I didn't. I think it has become a habit, staying up till late night, my friends are all wondering what am I doing. I wondered too. I don't even love myself enough to stay health anymore. I shouldn't be doing this.

I just saw a tweet from him about her, I assumed..but I know I couldn't be wrong..I knew my guess wouldn't be wrong..there's no other explaination to that tweet.. Why....I don't remember you ever tweeted about me last time :( oh wait, there was...it was something bad when you hate me. I'm such a failure. I wanna close my eyes and swallow myself up so I don't have to go through all these now. Others would say I'm stupid cause I'm the one putting myself through it, I could have walk away..

I'm struggling through everyday but nevermind, I'll still pray that one day I'll find him back..maybe or maybe not..

I have a lot of fears in life. They say life is about chasing your fears away. I guess I did some recently. Learning to speak up though I did it at the wrong timing now, but still I learnt to do it. I learnt to light up a match, this one I'm pretty proud of myself. Cause I'm remember this is what's keeping me from lighting up a Bunsen burner in early year of secondary school life, only until now I'm 20 years old, I'd finally know how to do it. Well done, good job. Keep up the courage to try new things. I said to myself.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing..just pray to God... our heavenly father, I pray that.............in the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

WHY

why wont you come back anymore !!! no matter how hard I try.. arghhh.. I dont have a place of my own anymore to let out my feelings..it should be safe here.. facebook too crowded..twitter he's there, i cannot say much..

Im so disappointed..Im so frustrated..I should be studying Biology but I lost my mood suddenly..Skyscraper from mixfm now...good..sad enough..I love torturing myself with sad songs..I love suffering..

What would it take...i really want to know...If only I knew what would it take, it wouldn't be this hard..

lost

I looked back at my previous posts in 2009 and 2010..it's funny howI was always posting silly things. Now all I post about is just sad things. I lost my source of happiness only after it's gone. Now it's too late..he told me to find happiness in other place cause he's not giving me anymore, there is another girl he has to give it too..the one whose heart he treasures dearly and who is just different.

I miss him.. I want to find him back.. Will that day ever come.. please let it come

Should I quit trying?

It'll be the 3rd month in the end of this month. I dont know how long would this drag or should I say what Im hoping for most likely won't happen. I dont know.. What would it be like after 6months..half year is not a short time for me..

I still don't understand.. I thought I belong there with you. You killed my future dreams. Self-destructing, so self-destructing..I don't care about that. You activated self-destructive mode. Sorry? I won't take it. Unless if it's sorry let's fix everything together.

I thought I'm the only one you'd treat like that but seems like not so now. You would treat anyone you like the same or even more than what you ever gave me. I thought I'm irreplaceable. How can I drag you back? Everything I did and still doing now is not helping at all. You're the kind that when u fall for someone u'll hard and you can't see anything else..including me no matter how hard Im trying.

Go on and think about her..you're probably doing it now too.."wonder if ure having a good time thre" Why wonder? She's at some place busying and you cant text her?

There's a lot of things that I don't understand or is it that I don't want to understand. I have no idea about that. I hope one day I'll fall sick, a high fever or whatever and forget everything if it's destined that everything will remain like that.

Do you really don't remember? Or is it what we had before mean nothing much to you? You don't feel a thing when you recall all those? just pain only? The past is the past, no point looking back. But no, things dont go like that for me. I want something in the past to be brought into present and future. U crushed my evey hope now. What is it? A revenge you want, say it...do whatever you want, just don't move on.