it's all my fault

i've ruined everything between us. im sorry for all the stupid things i did. i dont know what else can i do, u said there's nothing i can do now. i hope there's something i can do to save this. im so sorry. if it's possible that things will be ok back, i shall try my best, i shouldnt have hesitate in showing my feelings. i guess im just shy, i dont want to open up to anyone, and now i regret for being so passive. i wish..i wish i were bravier. i never knew that taking babysteps will make things look retarded to u. 5 days to christmas, i doubt this year's christmas will be good. it'll probably be the worst christmas for me. i know it would be a good one for u. i wish im the reason that ure happy. i wish everything will be ok by christmas, but still im afraid it'll just remained as a wish ungranted because i havent been good all these times, Santa doesnt like naughty kids. and after christmas, there'll be new year, i guess it will be a sad new year too, a bad beginning to a new year. but who can i blame other than myself. i wish everything will be ok soon, i wish to have a nice sleep every night and wake up happily every morning. i wish i wish i wish..i pray that everything will be alright.. is it going to be fine if i pray hard enough every night? im sorry...