Cheer Up

that one last day of him in Malaysia, 28th. I asked him to take note of the day, this exact day for last year's November something i found unhappy happened. He said what's special about the day? I told him before earlier this year about this day..i said im sad when i look at the day, then now in september's that day, he cant remember what it's about already.

He arrived safely, i saw tweets, check-in, status. My inbox remained empty. So, i told myself to wait. Then today it's mooncake festival, i inboxed him wishing happy mooncake festival, he hadnt replied but i saw there's a new tweet in his twitter page.

I wonder how i used to meant so much to him but now i am nothing. Maybe i made him feel like nothing, so this is the punishment im getting now. I still expect him to care and i expect him to reply and to tell me things about himself, im selfish.. to expect or not to expect, either way i feel depressed. So what should i do? to forget? sometimes memories still appear in my head, i wanted to cry so badly when i remembered those memories.. i wanted to tell my friend that i wanted to cry n cry n cry, but no, how could i go on telling others about that? shouldnt i be ashamed of myself..

and he told me 3months later, that number will be gone..zeroonesixthreesixsevensixtwooneone. he got that number for me(or christine, like who he said i am) that's the only thing left you have of him, now it's going to disappear soon too. i feel so sad. im not gonna see your name appearing on myphone anymore, and i cant ever wait for your reply too, there'll never be late reply or no-reply from him. it's all gone. what's left now?

and i thought i could focus more on my studies, but i kept on switching on and off the computer to check whether someone inboxed me. i have no choice, if i want to hear from you, this might be the only way to do so. i think im drowning again, im losing my study mood. if i tell you, would u care about it? :( or i shouldnt? cause it's a trouble to u. after all, u said my happiness is not your responsibility anymore.

every now and then, i cant stop wondering how wrong were i in the past. i still wish i have the chance to turn back the hands of clock. u said u wanted to latch onto me, but now where are u? cant i say that back to u? everything's too late..

what are you doing now..i shall try to study just like u said i should study well n stay healthy. why do i feel like crying when i see that? happy mooncake festival to u and goodnite.. i said dont say goodbye to me :(